


Love Actually Is All Around

by hartwinning



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Holidays, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5169119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hartwinning/pseuds/hartwinning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <br/>
  <i>"Option one: ask him out."</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Eggsy shakes his head vehemently, "Impossible."</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"Fair enough," Michelle says, "Option two: become his friend."</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Eggsy puffs up his cheeks and blows out in a frustrated sigh. "He's the most popular guy in school and he doesn't even know I exist," he says glumly.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"Okay, not the end of the world. Option three: kidnap him and keep him tied up in your room until he agrees to become your boyfriend."</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>The corners of Eggsy's lips twitch but he deadpans, "It's something I've considered."</i>
</p>
<p>♥</p>
<p><strong>HartWin</strong> one-shots based on pairings in <strong><i>Love, Actually</i></strong>.</p>
<p>(Above excerpt from Chapter 2, the Sam/Joanna storyline, a.k.a. the cheerleader!Eggsy AU.)</p>
<p>♥</p>
<p>Each chapter will be a separate story, with the title of the chapter referencing the original storyline in the movie. Some chapters will be complete AUs, others will take place in Kingsman-verse. Harry will always be older than Eggsy, but the age gap will adjust to fit the story.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a brit walks into a bar in wisconsin...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This follows the movie [storyline of Colin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHqhAnguYJ0), an English lad who can't get a date in London so he goes to America, where he promptly gets it on with Betty Draper & Co.
> 
> In this story, Eggsy and Roxy are American and Richmond Valentine is their buddy. Eggsy is... not the brightest crayon in the box, lol, but then again neither was Colin.

 

♥

 

"Grande triple-shot soy latte at the bar for Erik!" Eggsy calls out.

"Finally," Eric says.

"Sorry for the wait, man, but hey, look - I made you a foam heart!"

"Ugh, whatever," Eric sneers, "Just give me my damn drink. And it's Eric with a 'C', by the way." He turns around without so much as a 'thank you'.

"Asshole," Eggsy mutters.

"Venti skinny no-whip salted caramel mocha at the bar for Sarah!"

Sarah comes bustling over, iPhone in hand, "Hi, um, are you sure this is skim? Because last time it tasted too rich to be skim, and like, I cannot afford the calories right now."

"Yup, definitely skim, Sarah," Eggsy says cheerfully, "Anyway, you got nothin' to worry about, miss, you look great!"

"OK, stop talking now, please," she huffs. "Oh my god, you would not believe what just happened at Starbucks," she says into her phone as she grabs her drink, "The fucking barista tried to flirt with me! Ew, as if!"

"Whatever," Eggsy mutters.

"Grande americano for the good-lookin' guy in the suit!" Eggsy says with a wink.

"I'm not gay!"

"Hey man, didn't mean anything by it, just paying you a compliment."

"I have a girlfriend!"

"Relax, dude! Just trying to spread some holiday cheer, that's all."

The aggressively heterosexual suit stomps away with his drink.

"Jesus," Eggsy says, "Everyone needs to lighten up. It's Christmastime, for fuck's sake!"

 

**+**

 

_Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left._

"Ugh, Rox, I am so tired of this shit. If I see one more Tinder profile of some dude with a backwards baseball cap and fucking basketball shorts I'm gonna..."

Roxy rolls her eyes. "So hop on New Jersey Transit and head to the city."

"I deal with enough assholes at work, Rox," Eggsy complains, "Wall Street cokeheads who think they're better than me? No thank you."

"They  _are_  better than you, Eggsy. Well, richer, anyway. With nicer apartments."

Valentine strolls into the bar. "Hey, hey, motherfuckers! What's doin'?"

Eggsy grins up at Valentine and they do their special handshake.

"Nothing much," Roxy replies, "Eggsy's complaining about the dearth of eligible men, as usual. I think he's considering opening up the field to women again."

"That bad, huh, buddy?"

Eggsy tosses his phone down on the table in frustration. "Where are all the gentlemen at? Seriously?"

"Gentlemen? Pfft!" Valentine scoffs, "Since when, Eggsy?"

"Listen, Rich, I am done with the whole frat boy thing, honestly! I want a real man."

"Oh brother," Roxy says as she flags down the waitress, "Hi! Can we have three - no, make that six - Heinekens, please? Thanks."

"I should go to Europe," Eggsy says, "To England! That's where the real gentlemen are. They, like, wear suits that aren't baggy and speak all proper and shit."

"Hate to break it to ya, buddy," Valentine says as he hands his AmEx to the waitress to leave their tab open, "but it doesn't matter where you go, there are dumbasses all over the world. And trust me, they don't all speak proper English in England."

"Oi, mate, you're well fit!" Roxy says, doing her best impression of a Londoner. She laughs and gives Valentine a high-five.

"The fuck was that?" Eggsy says, "Anyway, they would  _love_  me in England."

"Don't be stupid, Eggsy," Roxy says, "They hate Americans! They think we're dumb and eat too much junk and they're probably still pissed about the whole throwing the tea into the harbor thing."

"I'd be the cute twink with the cute accent," Eggsy says, batting his (unfairly long, Roxy thinks jealously) eyelashes prettily.

Valentine gives him a look. "Are you serious? Lemme tell you something, man, they hate our accent. We fucking butcher the English language, Eggsy, I'm tellin' you."

"The fuck do you two know?" Eggsy says, incensed.

"We know more than you, motherfucker!" Valentine says, "Of the three of us at this table, who's the one who got a full ride to M.I.T.? Who's one of only three women lawyers in her firm? And which one of us still works at Starbucks?"

"You guys don't know shit! I got that all-American appeal - you know, the Steve Rogers-Captain America vibe. Blond, blue-eyed -"

"Your eyes are green, motherfucker."

"Not the point, Rich."

"Did you seriously just compare yourself to Chris Evans, our national treasure?" Roxy says, "That's like a capital offense, Eggsy, you could get sent to Guantanamo for that."

Eggsy sticks out his tongue at her before taking a healthy swig of his beer.

Valentine shakes his head. "Listen, man, I really don't think location is your problem. You just don't have that much to offer right now, and that's totally okay! You just gotta work on some things, get your shit together, the rest will fall into place."

"You guys are wrong! I'll prove it! I'm a fucking catch!" Eggsy yells, "I'm going to England!"

Valentine and Roxy pelt him with bottle caps.

 

**+**

 

"Alright, alright! Calm down, I'm coming!" Valentine shouts as his buzzer rings incessantly.

Valentine opens the door to find Eggsy on his doorstep, carrying a large backpack.

"Hey bro, I need a place to stay for the next couple of days."

"The fuck, man?!"

"C'mon, Rich, please! I rented out my apartment on Airbnb for the month, got no place to stay and your house is fucking enormous."

Valentine steps aside to let Eggsy through.

"You ain't stayin' here for an entire month, man."

"Nah, nah, don't worry! Just a couple of days... until MY FLIGHT LEAVES FOR FUCKIN' ENGLAND!!!"

Valentine clutches his forehead. "Aw hell no, you did not."

"Hell yes, I sure did!"

"You're a fucking idiot."

"This is the best idea I've had ever! Watch out England, here comes Eggsy!"

"This is the stupidest idea you've had ever, Eggsy, and you've had plenty. You'll come back a broken man, I'm tellin' you."

Eggsy snorts, "Yeah, back broken from all the sex!"

Valentine throws up his hands, "I cannot fucking believe you! So what, you're spending a month in England and all you're bringing is that one carry-on?"

Eggsy leans in close and whispers loudly, "Not even clothes in here, Rich - lube and condoms, bro, LUBE AND CONDOMS!"

"You know they got that shit in England, right?"

A female voice with a foreign accent drifts over from the living room, "Did I just hear someone say lube and condoms?" 

An olive skinned woman with straight, shiny hair glides into the foyer. "I didn't know you were expecting company, Rich."

Valentine sighs, resigned, "I sure as hell wasn't! Gazelle, Eggsy. Eggsy, Gazelle."

"Wow, you are way too fucking hot to be dating Rich," Eggsy tells Gazelle.

"Shut the fuck up or you'll be sleeping in the driveway."

"Speaking of drive, I also need a ride to the airport."

 

**+**

 

Eggsy lands in Heathrow early Friday evening London time. He takes the Piccadilly line into central London upon advice from the lady at the Information desk, who suggested the tube as a more affordable alternative to a taxicab.

He bounds up the steps at Piccadilly Circus, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, feeling no ill-effects from the long, cramped plane ride. He wanders north along Regent Street, completely unimpressed with the shops - "I didn't cross the fucking Atlantic for Hollister and Abercrombie."

He ducks into a Starbucks for his caffeine fix (his employee discount works in England!) and chats up the barista, Clara, who's lovely and friendly and has the proper, posh English accent.

"Any good bars around here?" Eggsy asks when there's a lull in the flow of customers, "Just your classic, English bar. Or should I say pub?"

"Sure, luv, lots! There's Leicester Arms, a bit touristy for my taste, and too many businessmen," Clara says, and Eggsy makes a face even though he's mighty interested in said businessmen. "If you walk along Savile Row and through to Mill Street, there's The Windmill, real, proper ale and pies - savory pies, mind, not the dessert kind. Can't get more British than that, really. Oh! And there's Black Dice Bar, at the Momo. Never been myself, they just opened. Seems nice, very upscale though."

Clara purses her lips and takes in Eggsy's plain black trousers and slim-fitting button-up shirt, creased from the plane ride but passable in dim lighting. Eggsy is dressed to impress The English Gentleman. Or so he hopes. Clara nods, "You'll do, I suppose, if you go early you shouldn't have any trouble getting in."

Business starts to pick up so Eggsy steps aside after thanking her. He toasts her with his coffee as he exits Starbucks. "Enjoy your stay!" she calls out to him.

Eggsy makes the turn into Savile Row. He can check out this Black Dice place and if it doesn't look promising he can walk further up the street to the ale and pie place, though he's not quite sure what a savory pie is. Like a chicken pot pie? Would The English Gentleman eat a chicken pot pie? He's getting sidetracked. He should have eaten something at Starbucks.

It takes him a while but he eventually finds the entrance to Black Dice. He pushes the pink door open.

"Aw yiss, perfect!" he whispers to himself. It's exactly how he's pictured A Classic English Pub would look like. Wood paneling, warm dark tones, with velvet drapes and well-worn leather couches. There's rock n' roll paraphernalia on the walls. It's early, not even 7pm yet, so the bar's practically empty. 

The hostess greets him after giving him a careful once-over, "Good evening. Do you have a reservation?"

Eggsy gives her a winning smile, "No, miss, I just landed in London a couple of hours ago. I could sit at the bar, maybe?"

She smiles, "Certainly, sir. Traveling light?" she asks, "You're welcome to check in your rucksack with the coats."

"Yeah, that'd be great!" He says, surrendering his supplies to her, slapping his back pocket surreptitiously to make sure he's got some on hand. Just in case.

He wanders around admiring the decor before taking a seat at the bar. He'd love to sit in one of the couches but he doesn't want to impose on someone else's reservation. 

The bartender tips his chin at him and gives him a friendly smile.

"Hey man, can I have a Heineken? Actually, scratch that, I'll have a Guinness, please."

The bartender nods and grabs a glass.

"A much better choice," a smooth, rich voice purrs in Eggsy's ear.

 

**+**

 

"I'm James," the man says and Eggsy shakes his hand.

"Hi James, my name's Eggsy," Eggsy says breathlessly. James is most definitely The English Gentleman. He's in a full tailored suit, complete with one of those vest things - waistcoats?, a green tie, and a bright red pocket square.

"Eggsy! What a fascinating name! American, I gather?"

"Mmhmm," Eggsy says daintily, suddenly shy. James' voice is pure sex, low and as smooth as dark chocolate, and that fucking accent! Eggsy does a few mental air punches. He was right! Too bad Roxy and Valentine aren't here, he'd have loved to see their stupid faces!

"Is this man bothering you?" another man asks amiably as he sidles up to the bar. He is also The English Gentleman. Double-breasted dark grey suit, navy tie with thick stripes, and a crisp white pocket square. "I'm Alastair," he says, eyes warm and friendly behind his thick rimmed glasses.

"Oh, don't be a twat," James tells Alastair and Eggsy giggles, "Eggsy's glad for my company. He's just in from the States."

"Is that right?" Alastair says, gently brushing non-existent lint off Eggsy's shoulders, "Wait until Merlin gets here, he would love you!"

Eggsy gulps. "There are more of you?"

Right on cue another very tall, slim man - not quite The English Gentleman, no suit, and bald, but immensely attractive all the same - walks into the bar. His cosy sweater makes Eggsy want to bury his face in his chest.

Eggsy does a few more mental air punches.

"My my, you two have been busy," the man says. Not an English accent, but close, and whatever it is makes Eggsy just as giddy. "And who's this lovely young lad?"

Alastair does the introductions, "Merlin, this is Eggsy. Eggsy's just in from the States."

"I'm verra verra pleased to meet you, lad," Merlin drawls. Eggsy makes an embarrassing whiny noise but no one seems to take notice. Or perhaps they're just being gentlemanly.

"Come along Eggsy," James says, "We've got a table over there, by the leather couch. We can order some food, you must be famished! Chips sound good?"

"Yeah, sure," Eggsy says. Doritos sound a bit casual for this joint but he is hungry, he won't complain.

 

**+**

 

Eggsy's very glad to find out that chips are, in fact, french fries.

The three men, tailors apparently, feed him and they chat pleasantly. Eggsy basks in all the attention, a hunger of a different sort gnawing in him as the three incredibly attractive men look on as if they want to eat Eggsy alive. He'd let them, in all honesty.

"Enjoying your breaddystack, my dear?" Alastair asks.

"My what? Oh, you mean my sandwich?" 'Breaddystack' sounds weird but what the hell does Eggsy know.

"Sandwich! How quaint!" James exclaims delightedly.

"Where are you staying, lad?" Merlin asks.

"Oh, I haven't actually figured it out yet," Eggsy replies, flushing lightly.

"Well, my dear boy, the night is young!" James says and grins mischievously, "Tell you what, we're heading back to the shop to finish up the holiday decor and displays. You're more than welcome to join us. The shop's just down the cobble-stone-clippity-clop."

Eggsy narrows his eyes.  _Just down the... road? Cobble-stone-clippity-clop?_  They have got to be pulling his leg.

"The shop isn't very big," Alastair says sheepishly, "the fitting rooms in particular might be  _a tight squeeze_ , but it's warm and we've got very good whiskey, not to mention fantastic company," he says with a wink.

"Ah fuck, we're forgetting Harry!" James groans.

"Shit," Merlin says. He huffs and leans back on the couch. "Don't worry, you'll love Harry," he says to Eggsy, rolling his eyes, "Everyone does. He is 'the hot one', as you say in America."

"Is that right?" Eggsy says, aiming for casual. If Harry's the hot one, and pretty much everyone in this table right now is fucking hot as hell... Eggsy shifts in his seat in anticipation.

 

**+**

 

"Oof! It's colder than a witch's tit out here!" James mutters as he fumbles for his keys.

"Go on lad," Merlin says, "Jiggle the twisting plankhandle to see if the door's unlocked."

Oh, they are definitely pulling his leg. "You mean... the doorknob?" Eggsy asks suspiciously.

The three men giggle.

"A-ha!" James says triumphantly, holding up his keys. He opens the door and Eggsy steps inside the shop.

"Oh Ha-rry!" James calls out in a gleeful, sing-song tone, "Look what we've brought you!"

Eggsy looks around, awed. It's exactly what he imagined The Classic English Tailor Shop would look like. It's warm and comforting and so very _English_. "This place is fucking amazing!"

"Welcome to Kingsman! I'm very glad you approve."

Eggsy whips his head around.

He's tall. Legs for miles, perfect posture, and he's wearing a double-breasted suit that's tailored precisely to reveal a lithe frame, with broad shoulders and a trim waist. His warm brown eyes twinkle with mischief behind tortoiseshell glasses. Eggsy stares unabashedly, green eyes and mouth wide open.

The man saunters over to Eggsy until he's standing so close Eggsy has to look up at him. "Harry Hart," he says in a voice that goes straight to Eggsy's cock. He takes Eggsy's hand and kisses the back of it. A True English Gentleman.

"So what do you think, Harry? Fitting Room Two is available," Merlin says pointedly.

"One does not use Fitting Room Two when one is popping one's cherry."

Eggsy grins.  _Jackpot._

 

**+**

 

Roxy's in the arrivals gate at Newark Airport, mouth agape, staring at her friend whom she barely recognizes.

"Eggsy! You look fantastic!"

He gives her a smug smile and does a twirl to show off his bespoke suit.

Suddenly everyone's heads turn toward the gate. Eggsy doesn't even need to turn around to know who's just walked in.

Harry strides in confidently, umbrella swinging, straight toward Eggsy.

"This is Harry Hart."

Roxy's mouth remains open in shock as Harry kisses the back of her hand and murmurs, "I'm delighted to make your acquaintance, Miss."

"And this," Eggsy says dramatically, "is Merlin."

Merlin goes right up and gives Roxy a chaste kiss on the lips. "I've heard so much about you, Roxy, although Eggsy's high praise of your beauty pales in comparison to the real thing."

Eggsy gives Roxy a cheeky wink. "Merry Christmas, babe."

 

  

_**Fin**_  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, the most popular girl in school - the drummer and the singer storyline!


	2. the most popular girl in school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows the [storyline of Sam](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84FsabXJgWo) (Thomas Sangster) who takes up the drums to impress the love of his life, who just happens to be the most popular (read: unattainable) girl in school.
> 
> Eggsy is American once again (I know, I know, it's the last time, I swear!) because I couldn't get cheerleader!Eggsy out of my brain.
> 
> Fictional school Chester High, sports team the Chester Kings (yeah, I went there).
> 
> Michelle is nothing like movie!Michelle.

  

♥ ♥

 

The coffin's lowered and buried and almost all of the mourners have left.

Michelle and Eggsy Unwin sit next to each other in silence. Tears are falling down Michelle's face, but that's a marked improvement over the heaving sobs which have wracked her body for the past few days.

It's a small mercy that it had taken almost a year for Lee to succumb completely to cancer. It didn't make it any easier to deal with, but at least they had a bit of time to prepare for the inevitable, to have several open and honest discussions about death, and about loss.

Eggsy is pale. He hasn't spoken much since his father's death, but Michelle can empathize. She feels tears rising up to the surface whenever she opens her mouth to speak.

She puts her arm around Eggsy and he rests his head on her shoulder.

 

**+**

 

"Not a single word," she says despairingly over the phone to Mark, the Unwins' close family friend and godfather to Eggsy, "It's been weeks and he hasn't spoken, about Lee or anything else. He just shuts himself up in his room."

"I wouldn't worry, Michelle," Mark says encouragingly, "School is starting in a couple of weeks, I'm sure he'll be forced to socialize then."

Michelle sighs. She still hasn't decided what to do about school. Fortunately she and Eggsy aren't wanting for money; as a doctor, her comprehensive family insurance plan had taken care of Lee's medical bills.

"I was thinking of pulling him out of school for a few weeks, actually," she says, "Eggsy's a smart boy, he won't have any trouble catching up. It might be nice to travel, spend some time together. I never really did, you know, I was so busy at the hospital before Lee was diagnosed."

"That sounds like a great idea," Mark says. "Listen, love, I have to go - I'm taking the kids back-to-school shopping actually, but give me a call if you need anything, alright? Anything at all, Michelle. And you know Roxanne's always available to talk as well."

"Thanks, Mark. Give my love to Roxy and the kids."

"Will do. Give it time, Michelle, you and Eggsy will pull through."

 

**+**

 

"...I know I was so busy before, but I can take an extended leave from work, we can visit lots of places, Europe even. Dad loved Paris, but it's completely up to you. We can go west, to California..." Michelle drones on.

They're sitting on a park bench overlooking the Hudson River, taking relief from the late summer heat with ice cream cones from the Mr. Softee truck.

Undeterred by her son's continued silence, Michelle prattles on, "I wouldn't mind if you skipped the first few weeks of school -" 

Suddenly Eggsy looks panic-stricken, "Mom, I can't miss school, I can't!" 

Michelle perks up at her son's sudden outburst. She's surprised by his vehemence but at least he's talking. She can work with that.

"Of course, love, if that's what you want," she says soothingly, "it was only a suggestion. If you don't want to miss school, that's totally fine too."

When Eggsy reverts to his reticent self, Michelle prods gently, "First year of high school, how exciting! I should've known you wouldn't want to miss it. Anything in particular you're looking forward to, love?" 

Eggsy sighs and looks so utterly miserable it tugs on Michelle's battered heartstrings. 

"What's wrong, baby?"

Michelle bites her lip as soon as the words are out of her mouth. Eggsy's growth spurt has yet to hit but the last thing she wants is to make him feel smaller. She knows it's only a matter of time before puberty hits full force, though. Eggsy's friend Jamal had come back from summer camp last week with his voice noticeably lower, and his other friend Ryan's voice has been deep for the past two years at least.

"Is anything the matter, darling? Is it Dad, or... or something else?" 

Eggsy gives her a pitiful look. "Do you really want to know, mom?"

"Yes, Eggsy, I do."

"Even if you can't do anything to help?"

Now Michelle's getting worried. She had assumed Eggsy's moroseness was due to his father's death, but maybe it was something else entirely, something equally serious.

"Even if that's the case, yes, absolutely."

Bullying is always a possibility, as is peer pressure. Not that Eggsy has ever shown much interest in joining 'the cool crowd', and his grades have always been very good, but puberty is tough on everyone and kids can be so mean.

Eggsy sighs again, the world-weary sigh of a much older man. "Okay. Well, truth is... actually, I'm in love."

This, Michelle is definitely not expecting. "I'm sorry?"

"I know I should be thinking about Dad all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love, and I was even before Dad died," Eggsy says, "There's nothing I can do about it." He shrugs his shoulders as if resigned to his sad fate.

Michelle takes a deep breath and exhales slowly and tries not to laugh out of sheer relief. "Oh, I don't know about that! I'm sure we'll think of something," she says, feeling like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. "To be honest Eggsy, I'm a little relieved! I thought it would be something worse."

Eggsy looks at her incredulously. "Worse than the total agony of being in love?"

Michelle thinks of Lee, thinks of her response to the age-old adage ''tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all' and concedes her son's point. She sighs. "You're right, Eggsy, it is total agony."

They sit in silence for the next few minutes. Eggsy might be too old now for her to ruffle his hair affectionately, so she simply runs a hand over his head, ostensibly to tidy his wind-swept hair.

"I'll tell you what," Michelle says with a determined air, "You can wallow in self-pity until you finish your ice cream, but after that, no more moping around. We're in this together, and we'll figure something out. Alright?"

Eggsy narrows his eyes at her as he munches on the tip of his waffle cone, not quite believing that his mom has the power to drag him out of this clearly hopeless and dire situation.

"Have you ever heard the song  _Love is a Battlefield_?" she asks, "Pat Benatar? No?"

Eggsy makes a face.

"Nevermind, mom's old, I know," Michelle says with a chuckle. "But what's the first thing you do before engaging in battle?" 

"You plan your attack?" Eggsy replies, his curiosity piqued.

"Exactly! Finish your ice cream, love, then we'll go home and map out a strategy!"

Michelle treasures the smile Eggsy throws her way, so rare as it's been lately.

 

**+**

 

"First things first," Michelle says as she pulls things out of the fridge to begin dinner preparations, "Who's the lucky girl?"

Eggsy hesitates. "Well,  _his_  name is Harry Hart," he says shyly, the name reverent on his tongue. 

Michelle stops in her tracks for a split second but she recovers quickly. It's not an issue for her, certainly, but she has that maternal instinct to shield her child from bullying, protect him as best she can against blows directed towards him for reasons he has no control over.

Eggsy has been bullied before. The jocks at school made fun of him for gymnastics - "That's not a real sport, Eggsy!", "Gymnastics is for girls!", "Gymnastics is gay!". Eggsy merely shrugged them off, choosing not to engage with words or fists or petty revenge pranks. 

The mean jabs dwindled after Jamal posted a video on Facebook of him, Eggsy and Ryan performing impressive parkour stunts at the local skate park (towards the end of the video Michelle was caught on camera gesticulating wildly and waving safety helmets and elbow pads around, to no avail). It was clear Eggsy's gymnastics training was responsible for his fluid, effortless movement, and since parkour was considered 'cool', the teasing eventually stopped.

Maybe Michelle's worrying needlessly. Eggsy has always had a preternatural ability to let negative vibes wash over him instead of penetrating his thick skin - perhaps he's already well-equipped to deal with the consequences of his natural impulses.

In any case they would cross that bridge if and when they come to it - together.

"And what's Harry like? Is he in any clubs? What does he do after school?"

Eggsy relaxes visibly. "He transferred to Chester High last year, his junior year. His dad's a diplomat or something so I guess they move around a lot. He plays football. He was backup QB last season, he got to play a couple of games when Charlie Hesketh got injured. Charlie graduated last year so Harry's team captain and quarterback this year."

Michelle worries her bottom lip. So her son's first love is a jock. Not just a jock, a football player. And not just any football player, he's the team captain and quarterback. 

The odds of this Harry Hart kid not being a complete jerk are looking very, very slim.

Michelle takes a deep breath.

"Now then, what are our options?" she says in a business-like tone, "Option one: ask him out."

Eggsy shakes his head vehemently, "Impossible."

"Fair enough," Michelle says, "Option two: become his friend."

Eggsy puffs up his cheeks and blows out in a frustrated sigh. "He's the most popular guy in school and he doesn't even know I exist," he says glumly.

"Okay, not the end of the world. Option three: kidnap him and keep him tied up in your room until he agrees to become your boyfriend."

The corners of Eggsy's lips twitch but he deadpans, "It's something I've considered."

"Oh is that right? And ultimately rejected, hopefully, because...?"

"Hygiene concerns, mostly." 

They stare at each other then burst out laughing.

For the first time since Lee's funeral the tears streaming down their faces are from laughter, not pain.

 

**+**

 

They share some more laughs over the next few days and joke about the many ways they can kidnap Harry Hart and force Eggsy into his heart. "Hart!", they squeal with laughter once again.

Their joy is short-lived.

A few days after the start of school, Eggsy comes home with a dejected look on his face. "I got some bad news today, mom."

Michelle's heart sinks. "Oh no! What happened, love? Does Harry have... is Harry with someone?" (A girlfriend? Someone he met over the summer?) 

"No," Eggsy replies, a crestfallen look on his face, "Harry's leaving for England at the end of term," he sniffles, "I'm never going to see him again and that's the end of my life as I know it."

"Oh, darling," is all Michelle can think to say as she pulls him in for a hug. She knows that telling Eggsy he'll get over Harry or that he'll find someone else next semester would be the wrong thing to say, whether or not there's any truth to it.

"Do you know what we need?" she says finally, "We need Doolittle, and we need Higgins, and we need them  _now_."

They curl up next to each other on the couch and watch  _My Fair Lady_ , an old family favorite. The two of them, and Lee when he was alive, know all of the songs by heart. Lee and Michelle had always joked about taking Eggsy to England since he was so good at mimicking Eliza Doolittle's Cockney. No doubt they would have, if Lee had stayed healthy.

_♪ I've grown accustomed to her face,_  
_She almost makes the day begin_  
_I've grown accustomed to the tune_  
_That she whistles night and noon_  
_Her smiles, her frowns_  
_Her ups, her downs_  
_Are second nature to me now_  
_Like breathing out, breathing in ♫_

Michelle turns to her son when the credits roll. He leans his head on her shoulder and she smooths out his hair.

"You know, Eggsy," she says carefully, "I'm sure Harry is unique and extraordinary and there's no one else like him in the world, but general wisdom is, in the end there isn't just  _one_  person for each of us."

"There was for Eliza Doolittle, and there was for you," Eggsy says quietly, "and there is for me."

He holds up an index finger. "Harry's the one." 

 

**+**

 

Michelle watches through the kitchen window as Eggsy hops off his bike and dumps it in the middle of the driveway. She barely has time to tut at him before he bursts into the kitchen.

"Mom! I have a plan!" he yells excitedly, keeping something hidden behind his back.

"Thank the lord!" Michelle says. She wipes her hands on a dish towel before giving Eggsy her full attention. "Let's hear it!"

"Okay," Eggsy begins, catching his breath, "In all those silly movies and all those stupid shows on TV, who does the quarterback always, always end up dating?"

"The head cheerleader?" she says uncertainly. _  
_

"Yeah!" He shoves a flyer in her face. "Saw this posted on the board at the gym. Cheerleading tryouts are next week! That's not a lot of time but I think I have a pretty good shot. There aren't a lot of guys who try out, and even then I'll be so much better than them because of gymnastics!"

Michelle shoves her concerns aside, chiefly that the cheerleader is always female in those young adult stories. 

"If Chester High makes it to the finals - and Harry's really good, mom, I'm sure we will - the championship game will be a really big, important game and I can sneak in when everyone's busy celebrating and I'll tell him how much he means to me, then he'll fall madly in love with me and I can visit him in England until I graduate and go to college there."

"That's a... good... idea, Eggsy," Michelle says with forced enthusiasm.

There are numerous holes in Eggsy's plan, namely 1) Eggsy would first have to make the cheerleading squad, 2) Chester High football has to make it all the way to the playoffs, 3) and then to the championships, 4) which they would also have to win, and the biggest hurdle of all Michelle thinks, 5) their team captain and quarterback would have to be either bi or gay, at which point 6) Harry must fall madly in love with Eggsy, after which 7) Eggsy will have to get accepted into university in the UK or, alternatively 5a) Harry is straight but not actually a giant asshole and he'd be kind to Eggsy when he lets him down, and 6a) they become very good friends and 7a) same as 7), if Eggsy still wants it.

Funnily enough Michelle thinks the last bit is the easiest to achieve. Eggsy is intelligent and charismatic, and Lee and Michelle set up a cushy college fund for Eggsy as soon as he was born. Studying abroad is not beyond their reach. She doubts Eggsy would be willing to skip straight to 7) though unless Harry's involved somehow.

Eggsy's excitement is infectious and Michelle can't say no to her beautiful boy, not when he's looking at her like this, his green eyes shining bright with hope. 

"Mark has a trampoline," Michelle offers, "I'll give him a call, maybe he can set it up it in our backyard this weekend. I don't think they have much use for it anymore, his daughter Amelia gave up cheerleading after just one season."

"That's perfect, mom!" Eggsy says then hugs her impulsively - something he hasn't done since he was a little boy. 

"Now go and put your bike in its proper place," she scolds, to hide the wellspring of emotion threatening to bubble over.

She slumps over the sink when he's gone. She doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. 

She rings up Mark to ask about the trampoline and also to seek his opinion as to whether or not Michelle is a terrible mother for encouraging Eggsy's affection instead of nipping it in the bud.

She wishes more than ever that Lee was still around to help her navigate the turbulent waters of their son's first love.

 

**+**

 

_Boing!   Boing!   Boing!   Boing!   Boing!_

Michelle gives up on supervising Eggsy after his first few practice sessions on the trampoline. It makes her dizzy just to watch him.

Fortunately he has a small cheerleading section of his own, with Jamal and Ryan goading him on -

"Do a double flip!"  _Boing!_

"You can jump higher than that, Eggsy!" _BOING!_

"Should I call your mom so you can toss her in the air?"

Michelle runs and hides in the kitchen.

Fortunately Ryan's little sister, Daisy, is more than happy to volunteer. She yelps in glee as Eggsy tosses her in the air and never once fails to catch her.

The afternoon prior to the cheerleading tryouts, Michelle drives Eggsy to visit Lee's grave.

"I like to think your Dad watches over you no matter where you are, Eggsy," she tells him.

"Yeah, me too," Eggsy says as he stares out the window, "but sometimes it's easier when there's an actual thing you can see, like to talk to, you know?"

Michelle hums in agreement.

"You look great out there, Eggsy, I really think you'll make the team."

Eggsy stares down at his hands nervously. "I hope so. There are a ton of girls trying out, a bunch of guys too, and not that many spots to fill. Plus it's seniority first and I'm just a freshman. And there's this one girl, Gazelle, she's a freshman too, but she's new to Chester High. She doesn't have any legs below the knee. Well she does, but they're like, um... extensions?"

"Prosthetics?" Michelle supplies helpfully.

"Yeah, that's it. They're real springy. Some of the girls and um, some parents too, they think she has an unfair advantage," Eggsy says guiltily, as if he might also share the sentiment.

"Hmmm," Michelle considers, "Can you imagine what it's like to live without legs, Eggsy? It's only in the past five, six years that they've made huge strides in prosthetic technology. I bet for most of her life she had to make do with wheelchairs and crutches and things. Don't you think the hardship she's faced over the years makes up for any paltry advantage she might have in bounciness?"

Eggsy cocks his head in deliberation. Eventually he relaxes and stops wringing his hands. "I guess you're right, mom. I just gotta bring my A game tomorrow, that's all." 

In the end both Eggsy and Gazelle make the team, the only freshmen to do so. Michelle treats them both to a fancy dinner out to celebrate.

 

**+**

 

It's the first week of October, there's a chill in the air and the leaves are turning color. The shops are decked out in all of their Halloween-themed glory and the entire town of Chester has caught Homecoming fever. 

Eggsy and his close-knit group of friends, which now includes Gazelle, talked of little else the past couple of weeks. 

Alas there's radio silence on the Harry Hart front. Michelle suspects Eggsy hasn't built up the courage to talk to Harry yet, but it's early in the season and more importantly Eggsy seems happy at school. He clearly enjoys being on the cheerleading squad. "He's mad popular with the ladies, Mrs. U, I keep tellin' him to set me up!" Jamal had confided in her. Jamal is a cornerback for the Chester Kings football team.

The Homecoming football game is one of the biggest games of the year, with many of the school's alumni in attendance. Eggsy points out last year's captain and quarterback, Charlie Hesketh, to Michelle as he escorts her to her seat. The young man stands tall, his nose turned up snootily, proudly showing off his college team's colors - the very impressive Notre Dame, a magnet college for pro football players.

The atmosphere in the stadium is electric. There's so much to take in, from the Chester Kings cheerleaders, their gold-colored pom poms glinting merrily under the bright lights of the stadium, to the fluorescent homemade signs dotting the capacity crowd, Coach  _Valentine_  and Quarterback  _Hart_  providing plenty of opportunity for clever signage riffs.

Michelle is here for Eggsy, of course, he and Gazelle have been practicing several full routines in preparation for the big game (Michelle hears the  _Boing!_  of the trampoline in her dreams now), but it's also the first time she and everyone else will get to see Harry Hart out in the field. Hart was sidelined for the first game of the season, nursing a minor sprained ankle from a hiking trip in Switzerland over the summer. (Michelle groaned inwardly when Eggsy had told her - is there any chance the kid will not turn out to be a giant douchebag?)

The high school band plays an upbeat repertoire while the cheerleaders perform an intense sequence of flips and handsprings. Michelle might be biased but she thinks Eggsy and Gazelle are the best of the lot. The squad as a whole is very, very good though and she's doubly impressed that Eggsy made it on his first tryout.

Her only critique is that she wishes Eggsy would stop bouncing and flipping around so much, give Harry a chance to see how smart and handsome he looks in his black and gold cheerleader uniform. 

Suddenly the band splits to form a passageway in between its C K formation and the drummers start to beat a frantic rhythm. The crowd roars to life as the team, led by captain Harry Hart, jogs onto the field.

H-A-R-T #10, emblazoned in gold in the back of his jersey, glitters stark against the black Chester Kings uniform. Harry's holding his helmet loosely in his right hand, so Michelle gets a good look at his face when he turns to wave to the crowd.

He's very tall, 6 feet already and possibly still growing. The bulkiness of the football uniform masks his spindly frame, the long bones of his body growing much faster than his muscles can fill out. The shoulder padding only serves to accentuate Harry's broad shoulders and tiny waist. The young man (boy seems inappropriate now) is incredibly handsome, with thick fluffy curls, big brown eyes, and a dashing dimpled smile. Michelle suspects he'll only get handsomer with age as his lanky frame fills out.

Well, her boy can certainly pick 'em.

Michelle looks around to see if she can spot the Hart family, not that she's ever met any of them before. She has a ridiculous notion that she ought to express her sympathies to his parents, because Harry Hart looks like trouble - the kind of trouble who leaves hundreds of broken hearts in his wake.

And her poor little Eggsy might end up among them.

 

**+**

 

"Your Harry and Gazelle seem quite chummy," Michelle says on their drive home after the game. 

"Yeah, they're buddies," Eggsy says, unconcerned. He smiles at his mom's 'your Harry' and doesn't bother correcting her. 

Michelle's instincts are telling her there's more to this story so she drives on in silence, giving Eggsy space to gather his thoughts.

"A lot of the other kids, they make fun of Gazelle because of her prosthetics," Eggsy says. "This one time we were practicing out in the field after it rained. Her prosthetics got all muddied up so she took them off one at a time to clean them. I thought it was pretty neat how she could do that, just take 'em off and wipe 'em down, ya know?"

"I mean, after you yelled at me about how dirty my sweatpants were, I was kinda jealous of Gazelle, wish I could just wipe the dirt off too and be done with it," Eggsy continues with a sideways glance at his mom.

Michelle rolls her eyes at him, "I didn't  _yell_ , Eggsy, and you know how hard it is to get caked mud out in the wash."

"Anyway, these fuck- um, these jerks decided it would be funny to steal her prosthetics. Two of them, Digby and Rufus, held her down while the third guy ran off with both prosthetics after yanking one off her leg." 

Michelle gasps in horror. High school was a long time ago for her, she'd forgotten how evil kids can be.

"I know, it was awful. And I was in the showers at the time so I couldn't help her. So anyway, it turns out those a-holes are on the football team and  _oh my god_ , Harry got sooo mad! You should've seen him, mom!" Eggsy says animatedly, "After Harry shoved the jerks around and got Gazelle's prosthetics back, he went straight to Coach V and got all three of them suspended for the next two games. That's like, a really big deal, football season isn't that long. Digby - stupid name, huh? He's going to miss the next game and that's when the college scouts usually come, so he's in total deep shi- trouble. He's hoping for a football scholarship even though his family's totally loaded. He's dumb as rocks though, he won't get into a decent school without one."

"Be nice," Michelle warns, but warmth blossoms in her chest as she processes this rare insight into Harry's character. 

"No one's said anything to Gazelle about her prosthetics ever since," Eggsy continues, "I mean, Harry doesn't bug her too much, he knows she can take care of herself, but it makes things easier when the captain of the football team is on your side, ya know?"

Michelle smiles. There's hope yet for young Harry Hart.

 

**+**

 

November whizzes by in a blur of golden pom poms. The football season is over for most of the area schools, but Chester High is through to the state championship, as Eggsy had predicted. The game will be held in the local college field the weekend following the last day of the semester.

Unfortunately Michelle gleans from Gazelle that the most Eggsy has managed so far in his courtship is a nod of acknowledgement in Harry's direction, "But Harry always smiles back," Gazelle assures her.

"I don't understand it," Michelle confides to Roxy, Mark's wife, "Eggsy is so friendly and engaging, he's never had trouble making friends before, yet he completely freezes up around Harry."

"Aww, I think it's cute!" Roxy says, "Honestly, Michelle, can you blame the poor kid?"

The two women laugh. They sat together through most of the season's games and have had ample opportunity to admire the tall, fluffy haired QB and his dazzling smile.

Michelle sighs. "Well, Eggsy's running out of time. Harry's off to England, permanently, as soon as Christmas break begins."

"Oh no! Poor Eggsy."

"Bake some extra pies for us this Christmas, will you, Roxy? I have a feeling Eggsy and I will be nursing his first heartbreak into the new year."

"You got it, Michelle. I'll even provide the ice cream."

Michelle dares to broach the subject to Eggsy at dinner later that evening. 

"Yeah, mom, I know, I know!" Eggsy groans as he burrows into the couch and buries his head in the pillows. "But, like, they're going to win the game, and everyone will be so busy and in all the confusion I'll just go up to him, or something..." Eggsy says, the pillows failing to muffle the note of desperation in his voice.

Michelle takes a seat by her son's head. "Why wait until after the game, Eggsy? You can start with something small, like 'Hey, Harry, good luck out there today.'"

"That sounds hella dumb, mom."

Michelle hides a grin. "Don't be a jerk, Eggsy, it was just an example. Is it - are you afraid you'll be rejected?" she asks in a gentler tone.

Silence.

"You know, Eggsy," Michelle continues, seizing the opportunity, "when one person's love isn't reciprocated, sometimes the reason has nothing to do with the other person's personality. Certain preferences are a natural result of things beyond our control, and there's nothing wrong with that."

Michelle wonders what Eggsy's been taught on the subject of sexuality in school so far. She and Lee had given him "the talk", but it was mostly biological basics with an emphasis on safe sex. And she's kicking herself for it now, but everything had been from the point of view of heterosexual relationships. She makes a mental note to speak to Eggsy's teachers and fill in any gaps if needed.

"You sayin' I don't have a chance, mom?" Eggsy asks and pouts, but it's teasing, not heartbroken. Not yet, anyway.

"Oh darling, of course you do! And you deserve nothing more than to be loved back, but you know, relationships aren't always straightforward," Michelle says.

Eggsy sits up and sighs. "Well, it's not like I'm in a relationship at the moment so it doesn't matter," he grumbles.

"Listen, Eggsy," Michelle says in her 'serious mom' voice, "your crazy plan is working. You made the cheerleading squad and the team's in the championships. All that's left for you to do is proclaim your love to Harry Hart. You're so close, babe, don't give up now!"

Once again the blind optimism of youth comes to her aid. 

"You know what? You're right, mom," Eggsy says with a determined air, "Harry's gonna win State and we're gonna celebrate - together!"

"That's my boy!"

 

**+**

 

Roxy plucks the steaming cup of coffee out of Michelle's hands. "Michelle, no more caffeine for you, love, you're fidgeting worse than the cheerleaders huddled in the end zone!"

Michelle laughs shakily. "Either give me back my coffee, or pass me the whiskey!"

"If you and Eggsy survive the next three hours, you can have an entire bottle of whiskey  _and_  I'll get Mark to drive you home!"

It's a big day for Eggsy in more ways than one. He and Gazelle are in the opening act, performing a tumbling floor routine before the rest of the cheerleading squad - an amalgamation of both schools' teams - joins them on the field. The college stadium, much larger than the high school's, is absolutely packed. Michelle is comforted by the familiar sight of Chester High supporters' Valentine-Hart signs.

"You think the entire town is here?" Michelle muses.

"Oh, for sure," Roxy replies, "I saw Mayor Arthur in the crowd."

"Jesus Christ."

 

**+**

 

Fourth quarter. Seven minutes left on the clock. Chester Kings losing by a touchdown. The opposing team had failed to convert after their last winning drive, but they currently have possession of the football.

"Oh my god, I can't watch," Michelle whines. True to her word, she covers her face with her hands when the opposing team begins their drive. She's spared the visual, but Roxy sitting next to her provides an abbreviated play-by-play.

"Shit." They got first down.

"Fuck." Another first down.

"Oh shit, oh shit, NO NO NO NO!!" The opposing QB throws a long pass into the end zone.

"OH MY GOD, no fucking way!! Yaaassss!!! RUN, JAMAL, RUN!!!" Jamal intercepts the pass and is high tailing it to the Chester High end zone!

Michelle stands up and cheers. Eggsy and the squad are cheering on the sidelines, their pom poms aflutter.

Jamal doesn't make it all the way to the end zone, and the offense, led by Harry Hart, hurries out onto the field. The clock continues to wind down.

Huddle, break, formation.

Snap, catch, Harry throws. 

**_TOUCHDOWN, Chester Kings!!!_ **

Ten seconds remaining on the clock. Chester Kings must convert for the extra point in order to win the game. The crowd yells out the countdown.

"Ten!"

Offense clears the field and makes way for the special team.

"Nine!"

"Eight!"

Special team in position.

"Seven!"

Snapper snaps the ball.

"Six!"

Holder kneels, catches the ball, and places it on the grass.

Kicker runs toward the ball.

"Five!"

Kicker kicks.

Crowd holds its breath.

Ball clears the uprights, smack down the middle.

"It's good," motions the referee.

_Chester Kings win the state championship!_

Eggsy performs an impressive aerial in plain view of QB Hart.

Roxy grabs Michelle's arm - "Look!"

QB Hart, helmet doffed, points his helmet in Eggsy's direction and smiles.

Eggsy grins back.

QB Hart pivots ninety degrees and repeats the motion toward the crowd.

Eggsy frowns.

QB Hart pivots another ninety degrees and repeats the motion again.

Eggsy frowns harder.

 

**+**

 

"Eggsy!! Fantastic show! And we won!" Michelle cheers.

"Thanks mom," Eggsy says dejectedly, "Plan didn't work though. I can't even get past the press - did you know ESPN is here? Even his parents can't get through, they have to wait outside the locker room." His voice cracks and his lower lip trembles.

"Oh hush, darling, we'll wait, that's all, we'll wait until the crowd clears, until after he speaks to the local press, we'll wait as long as it takes," Michelle says, "but you have to tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"Tell him that you love him!"

"No way!" Eggsy exclaims. He slumps his shoulders. "Anyway, he flies to England tonight."

"Even better, Eggsy," she pleads, "You've got nothing to lose and you'll always regret it if you don't. I never told your dad enough. I should've told him every day, because he was perfect every day."

Now it's Michelle's voice which cracks with emotion, "You've seen the movies, kiddo, it ain't over 'til it's over."

Eggsy stares at her for a few seconds. Then he takes a deep breath. "Okay mom, let's do it. Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love!"

Michelle yelps in glee and runs down the corridor. Eggsy manages a smile while he chases after her.

They reach the exit and Eggsy's heart sinks. "Oh no!"

They watch in dismay as Harry waves to the crowd through the open door of a car, one long leg already inside the SUV waiting to take him to the airport.

"It's okay!" Michelle says, "We'll go to the airport - I know a shortcut!" She grabs Eggsy's hand and pulls him to their car.

 

**+**

 

BA 1517  
(LHR) London 7:55 PM  
Gate 9  
  
**ALL ABOARD**

 

"Shit! C'mon, Eggsy!"

Michelle runs up to the guard at the terminal. "Hi, sir, we're not actually flying.."

The guard cuts Michelle off - "You can't come through without a boarding pass."

Michelle puts on her best puppy face, "Not even to let this young man say goodbye to the love of his life?"

"No," the guard sneers, and hustles them out of the way.

"I'm sorry, Eggsy," Michelle says, her crestfallen expression mirroring her son's.

Eggsy stares down at his feet.

"Unless..." she lowers her voice, "Eggsy, do you think you can parkour your way past security?"

Eggsy looks up, "You think I should?" he whispers.

They stare at each other, a smile spreading across Eggsy's face.

"Go!"

 

**+**

 

Eggsy runs.

He leaps over security gates, sprints across metal detectors, barges through when a crowd of new arrivals refuses to part for him. Eggsy runs faster than Jamal did on his 60-yard interception.

He reaches the gate in time to see Harry hand over his ticket and enter the jet bridge.

Eggsy bangs on the glass - "Harry! Harry!"

Harry can't hear him.

Eggsy looks back to see the pudgy airport security guards closing in on him. He runs toward the gate desk.

"Harry!!" Eggsy wheezes.

Harry turns around. Michelle, escorted by two guards, arrives at the gate in time to witness the exchange.

"Eggsy?" Harry's crisp voice calls out.

Eggsy's dumbstruck for a moment. "I... I thought you didn't know my name."

"Of course I do, Eggsy," Harry says, his voice low and gentle.

Harry looks down at Eggsy, brown eyes warm and friendly, and smiles. It's not his game-winning, crowd-pleasing smile; it's softer, more private, it makes Eggsy feel like it's a special one just for him.

Eggsy hears the commotion behind him and turns around. He meets Michelle's gaze and his green eyes widen to wordlessly communicate how amazing it is that football team captain! quarterback! most popular guy in school! Harry Hart knows his name!

Michelle peers over Eggsy's shoulder and catches the look on Harry's face and can immediately divine his intent. She quickly shoos Eggsy to turn back around.

As soon as he does, he feels Harry's soft, warm lips on his.

Time stands still.

 

**+**

 

Michelle gathers the dead leaves that have fallen over Lee's grave and stuffs them in the plastic bag she brought.

She frames his headstone with two small potted poinsettia plants, the cheerful red at odds with the grey, somber graveyard during winter. 

Snow begins to fall lightly, the first of the winter. Michelle looks up at the sky and closes her eyes, lets the flakes land gently on her nose and cheeks. She smiles.

_Bless the Hart boy._

"My love," she says, "Thank you for watching over our Eggsy."

She runs her hand across the carved letters spelling out Lee's name and chuckles, "Do you remember those early days, Lee? When just a simple touch would ignite us for weeks? Our first touch wasn't even a kiss! Good on our little Eggsy! Not so little anymore, I suppose...

"I don't know if he and Harry Hart will ever meet again, although you know kids these days with their Facebook. The world is a lot smaller now than when we were growing up.

"Check in on the young man once in a while, would you, Lee? I never even exchanged a single word with him, but I do know that Harry Hart was worthy of being our Eggsy's first true love."

 

"Merry Christmas, darling."

 

 

_**Fin** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS.
> 
> The dialogue about options and kidnapping is lifted almost verbatim from a deleted scene in the movie. (See Matthew Vaughn? Some directors are generous and _share_ the deleted scenes!)
> 
> Yes, there are male cheerleaders! Outnumbered by females obviously and have more of a supporting role out in the field, but they're out there! This ended up being way more _Friday Night Lights_ -y than intended, but I enjoyed it.
> 
> I hate Brady (and the Pats) but he has similar proportions to Colin Firth so [here's a helpful visual, also good for a Harry/Eggsy height difference](https://40.media.tumblr.com/9735247de618a8a3d4205a49b233bbbd/tumblr_nxi97jKDhm1r4pwt8o1_540.png).
> 
> Next up, I think it's time for some angst - the Emma Thompson storyline where she listens to Joni Mitchell because Severus Snape makes her cry :'(


	3. i've looked at love from both sides now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Joni Mitchell's _Both Sides Now_ , [which Emma Thompson's character, Karen, listens to](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y-8vxObugM) after she finds out that her husband Harry (!) (Alan Rickman) has a wandering eye and possibly a wandering penis. (Lol hire me to write your summaries, @netflix)
> 
> Warnings: For those of you who don't know or remember the movie, this storyline touches on the topic of infidelity (it's a very light touch).
> 
> Warnings for possible NOTPs: There's very strong Merlahad, and a hint of Merhartwin but no actual follow-through.
> 
> This is set in Kingsman-verse, but the characters have been shuffled around to fit the story. Eggsy is Gawain, and his theme song in this story would probably be stalker anthem _Every Breath You Take_ by The Police...
> 
> Feel free to imagine Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson) as the shop assistant just like in the movie.

 

 

♥ ♥ ♥

 

 

"It's good to have you back, Harry," Merlin says, his voice laden with emotion.

"It's great to be home, Merlin."

They break apart from their embrace. Merlin leads them to the couch in his office and Harry emits a long, drawn-out sigh as he sinks into the seat, as if it's the first cushioned surface he's sat on in months. For all Merlin knows - or doesn't know, more like - that could very well be the case.

"Am I ever going to find out what this deep-deep-cover mission was all about?" Merlin asks, knowing quite well what the answer will be, "Arthur handed me the mission report for filing after your de-brief. Ninety percent of it was redacted - the entire thing was blacked out!"

"I'm afraid that's not up to me, Merlin."

"Was it successful, at least?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"No repercussions, no follow-up missions?"

"None."

"And you're back home in one piece," Merlin says, relief washing over him, "That's all I need to know, then."

Harry spins in his seat and lifts his legs up and lays them across Merlin's lap.

"Well the good news is I'm exempt from deep-deep-cover missions for the next twenty years."

Merlin scoffs. "This is only the third time in Kingsman's history that a mission is so highly classified only Arthur remains in contact with the agent. That's hardly a consolation prize, Harry."

"Yes, well, Arthur can be a pain in the arse but he would not have sent me if anyone else could have done it."

They sit in silence, Merlin stroking Harry's shins absently and Harry staring fondly at his partner. There were several moments during his nine-month mission when he thought he'd never lay eyes on him again.

"You're awfully thin, Harry," Merlin says, his brow creased with concern.

"Mmm. It's a shame you're a shit cook."

"Trophy wives aren't supposed to cook."

"Trophy wives are supposed to have enviable hair."

They laugh. It's always a stupid fucking bald joke that sets them to rights after a long separation. 

"Will the children even know who I am anymore?" Harry asks ruefully.

"Of course they will, Harry," Merlin says gently, "Your pre-recorded videos helped a lot. Gazelle even asked me what time your show was on - she thought you were part of CBeebies Bedtime Stories."

"How flattering."

"At least you have options should you ever wish to retire from field work," Merlin says. "I'm warning you though, you've been placed on Christmas shopping duty for leaving me alone with them for nine months."

Harry groans, "Oh god, it's Christmas already?" He lays his head on the armrest and closes his eyes. "Alright, let's hear it then, what's on Richmond's list?"

Merlin pulls out his phone. "He emailed me his list - 'Dear not-so-hairy Santa' he wrote, cheeky bugger. Number one on the list is a death ray."

"Christ," Harry mutters, "Next?"

"Number two on the list is a pair of Yeezy 950s. Color preference in descending order as follows: Moon Rock, Peyote, Chocolate, Pirate Black."

"What on earth is a peyote?"

"Some sort of spineless cactus native to Mexico," Merlin replies.

"When did the 950s come out?"

"Late October."

"Which means they've long since sold out and we'll have to sell our kidneys for a pair off eBay, possibly with dubious authenticity."

"Correct. However, Dagonet at the shop says he has connections so all hope is not lost."

Harry looks at Merlin incredulously, "Dagonet, our soft-spoken bespoke tailoring expert, has connections in the lucrative underground trade of limited edition streetwear?"

Merlin puts his hands up defensively. "I don't ask questions, Harry, I simply put in a request and pray."

"What else is on his list?"

"Third on the list is a fully functional robot butler-slash-personal assistant in the form of Star Wars' BB-8."

"Well you'd better get started on it then, Merlin, teach the robot butler to cook and I'll consider it a joint present from you to me."

Merlin laughs and shakes his head. "I've purchased one of those little Sphero BB-8 toys, not quite life size but it does spin around convincingly and talks. It's the best I could come up with."

"Throw in a Raspberry Pi and let him take the thing apart and program it himself," Harry suggests. 

"That's a splendid idea," Merlin says and annotates the list.

"What about Gazelle?"

"Ah yes," Merlin says, scrolling through his phone once again, "First thing on her list is a death ray."

"Jesus Christ what is wrong with your children?"

"Oh, so they're suddenly  _my_  children just because they want death rays for Christmas."

"Do death rays even exist? Whence came this fascination?"

"It's 2015, Harry, of course they exist."

Harry narrows his eyes at Merlin. "Wait - do we have a death ray?"

" _We_ ," Merlin says motioning first to himself then to Harry, "do not. Kingsman does, yes."

Harry's face lights up. "I want a death ray!"

"You're not getting a death ray."

Harry pouts and kicks up his feet on Merlin's lap.

"Och, you child! It's not even portable, it's meant to be shipboard. The US Navy have one as well."

"Where is it?"

"Where is what?" Merlin parrots, affecting innocence.

"You've just let slip that in one of our top-secret marinas on the Thames, there's a Kingsman yacht outfitted with a fucking death ray, and I want to know where it is!"

"It's on a need-to-know, 'never getting in the hands of a short-tempered, impatient prick of an agent' basis. Moving on..."

"I will find it."

"Moving on," Merlin continues, raising his voice slightly, "second on her list are links to dresses and things from various online stores. It seems she's still wholly committed to the Wednesday Addams aesthetic."

"Well that's certainly affordable, age-appropriate, and downright normal," Harry says approvingly, "Anything else?"

"She wants a set of prosthetics with retractable blades sharp enough to slice through human skull - 'cleanly', she underlined - that also shoot lasers."

 

**+**

 

Harry reaches out and takes Merlin's hand. They sit in silence, their fingers entwined.

"I heard about Gawain," Harry says quietly.

Merlin sighs in frustration. "Seventeen years without an agent death and we lose James and William within months of each other."

"Let's hope the streak ends there," Harry says grimly, clasping Merlin's hand tighter, "Are the candidate trials still ongoing?" 

"No, they've just finished, we've got a new Gawain."

Merlin chuckles. Then he chortles. Then he throws back his head and laughs. "Oh, I think you'll like him, Harry - a chav, grew up in the council estates."

"What?! Who on earth proposed him?"

"Roxy did. Apparently she caught him and his mates trying to steal her Mercedes - they had one of those radio transmitters that cycle through car key fob codes, got the idea from that show Mr. Robot. Of course Roxy had them flat on the ground in five seconds, didn't even break a sweat. She and Eggsy ended up friends, though I'm a bit fuzzy on the details of how that happened."

 _"Egg-sy?"_  Harry asks in disbelief, consonants extra crisp, "How on earth did Arthur let that happen?"

"Nothing he could do about it, was there? The boy won fair and square," Merlin replies, "Oh Harry, you should've seen Chester's candidate during the train test - useless twat by the name of Charlie Hesketh - 'My father will hear about this!' he yelled at the tracks."

Harry covers his face in second-hand embarrassment, "How mortifying! I hope you saved the feed of the train test."

"It'll be your Christmas present," Merlin assures him. "You'll meet Eggsy soon enough I've no doubt. He's completely obsessed with you, replays all of your mission feeds during his spare time. He's modeling his fight style to yours and he even prefers the Rainmaker to all the fancy gadgets I offer him."

"Good lord. Must I call him  _Eggsy_?"

"Well, it's either that or Gary, and for some reason Eggsy suits him best. Roxanne says you're all he ever talks about, how he can't wait to meet you. Thinks you hung the moon in the sky or somesuch."

"Well I'm sure he'll change his mind the second he meets me in person," Harry says affably.

"My thoughts exactly," Merlin says.

As if on cue, Eggsy strolls into Merlin's office - without knocking, Harry notes, accompanied by Eggsy's little pug, JB.

Harry's eyes widen comically and he raises his eyebrows in silent question, looking mildly perturbed at his first sight of the new Gawain. Merlin simply looks at him with a smug, 'I told you so' look. 

Eggsy is dressed exactly like Harry - down to the neat side part in his hair. Same suit in the same double-breasted style and the same dark pinstripe fabric, same tie, same oxfords, same glasses.

The similarities end when Eggsy opens his mouth.

"Oi, Merlin!" He stops short at the sight of Merlin and Harry on the couch. He gasps excitedly, "You must be Galahad! So nice to finally meet ya, bruv!"

Harry blinks rapidly, as if his brain is having trouble processing the scene in front of him. "Eggsy, was it? Firstly, you should always knock before entering a room. Secondly, I'm not your 'bruv', and thirdly," Harry says, finally shaking Eggsy's outstretched hand, "please call me Harry."

Eggsy seems nonplussed by the impromptu lesson in manners. "It's a real pleasure, Harry, heard so much about ya, the most celebrated agent in Kingsman, yeah?"

Harry rolls his eyes, "That's just a nice way of saying I'm old, Eggsy, but thank you for your enthusiasm."

Eggsy seems to notice their positions in the couch for the first time. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. "Huh, didn't know you two was together."

"Yes, well," Merlin says as he nudges Harry's legs off his lap before rising off the couch, almost stepping on JB who's trying to claw his way to the top, "We've been the old married couple around here for so long it's hardly worth mentioning at this point."

"You ain't wearin' wedding rings," Eggsy observes, a touch reproachful, as though he thinks they're willfully deceiving everyone.

"We do wear rings occasionally, just not on our hands," Harry deadpans.

"And not the kind you buy at Cartier," Merlin adds.

Eggsy looks from one to the other, unsure whether or not it would be appropriate to laugh at his superiors' dirty joke. He settles for a wide, delighted grin instead.

"If you must know, Eggsy, we were together long before marriage reforms were passed," Harry explains, "By the time the government had finally caught up, we decided not to bother."

"Our relationship has lasted far longer than many of our friends' marriages," Merlin says, "and we're married in every other sense of the word."

Eggsy nods in understanding. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it, yeah?"

Harry groans as he sits up, "Speaking of things that are broken and need fixing, I've got a lengthy date with medical and psych."

Eggsy hustles over to lend Harry a hand, "I got nuffin' better to do -"

"I can think of a mission report that's yet to be submitted," Merlin murmurs.

"- I can escort you to med bay, Harry." 

"Thank you, Eggsy, much appreciated," Harry says. He does feel like he could keel over any minute.

"I'll have that report for ya this afternoon, guv," Eggsy tells Merlin.

"Mmhmm."

 

**+**

 

`Just sent a note to HR suggesting a bottle of Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille for Eggsy for Christmas. -HH`

`So in addition to being your mini-me, he has to smell like you as well? -M`

`How else am I supposed to stop the boy from sniffing me up at every opportunity? Christ he's like an overeager puppy. I shall christen him Mr. Pickle the 2nd. -HH`

`Tell him if his mission report's not on my desk in the next hour he'll end up just like Mr. Pickle, all stuffed up in the loo. -M `

 

"Eggsy, you could be a bit more subtle when you ogle me."

Eggsy laughs - a bright, cheerful sound. Harry's a bit concerned at how much he delights in it, but figures it's simply the novelty of it after being subjected to Merlin's dry wit for so long.

"Fuck, bruv, but you are well fit!" Eggsy exclaims before sobering, "Sorry, Harry, don't mean no disrespect."

"It's alright, Eggsy, this isn't America, there isn't a lawsuit around every corner," Harry says cheerfully, "Rest assured, anyone in Kingsman will happily put you in your place should you ever step out of line."

"Right," Eggsy says, visibly relaxing.

"And perhaps I should have Merlin enroll you in extra honeypot missions training modules."

"Don't need no extra training, bruv, posh folk love a bit o' rough!" Eggsy says with a wink and a light, playful shove at Harry's shoulder.

With a sideways glance at Eggsy's strong jaw and that sinful pouty mouth, his pale, smooth skin, dirty blond hair, and bright greenish eyes, Harry can certainly see the appeal.

"So you was gone for nine months, yeah? Where'd you go?"

"Highly classified, Eggsy, not even Merlin knows."

Eggsy looks very impressed.

Harry sighs. "With any luck, you will never be sent on such a mission."

They walk down the corridor in companionable silence.

"You know, Eggsy, I'm quite pleased you're part of Kingsman. I've been of the opinion for a long time that our organization has gone rather stale. We could use fewer snobs and more people like you," Harry says. "I shall give my regards next time I see Roxy, she chose well."

Eggsy shrugs, looking bashful. "Just went out there and done me best. Was in the Marines for a bit - had to drop out on account of me mum, but I had a leg up in training 'cos of it. Rox took a chance on me and I had nuffin' to lose, really."

"Or is it that she would have thrown you and your friends in jail?" Harry asks slyly.

Eggsy smirks, "Merlin grassed on me, did he? But yeah, Roxy's been amazin', I owe 'er a big one."

"And are you and she dating? She's quite a catch."

"She ain't my type, bruv, I like 'em older, yeah? And taller," Eggsy says with another highly suggestive wink. Harry's beginning to think it might be a tic.

Harry snorts, "Well, I suppose she never did strike me as one to date the runt of the litter."

"Oi!" Eggsy says indignantly.

"Wuff!" JB barks.

"Oh darling, not you, little one, you are just the cutest!" Harry coos to JB, bending down to scratch behind his ears.

"Oi!"

They round the corner and approach the entrance to med bay.

"Maybe we can spar some time, yeah?" Eggsy asks, wiggling his eyebrows to make the offer more enticing.

"Certainly, Eggsy, as soon as these fine folks clear me for active duty."

Harry can feel Eggsy's eyes on him (possibly his arse) as he pushes open the double doors and strides into Kingsman's medical facilities.

 

**+**

 

Harry's deemed physically fit for light duty immediately, but a follow-up appointment and substantial weight gain are required before he's cleared for any missions.

Thus Harry finds himself with a lot of time on his hands and it naturally falls on him to show Kingsman's newest agent the ropes.

Eggsy proves himself to be competent and efficient enough at the firing range, so Harry spends the majority of his time demonstrating 'flair' - "James, the former Lancelot, was the best at this," Harry says as he twirls the gun, reloads, and shoots the target dead straight in between the eyes in three seconds - and generally showing off.

The rest of the time is spent on teaching Eggsy manners and comportment.

The 'flair' shooting portion goes much better, although Harry warns Eggsy he should focus on the task at hand rather than showing off out in the field. The reason James was so well-known for his style and flair was because it was second nature to him, Harry tells Eggsy.

"Speak fer yourself, Harry! I seen your old missions, bruv, you'd think you was a superhero with all them fancy fight moves," Eggsy says, sidling up close, as he's wont to do whenever he teases Harry. Which is often. The boy is hardly shy about his affections.

 

`Ask Mr. Pickle 2 if I may borrow you for a lunch date in my office. Tell him I promise to return you unmolested. -M`

`What a shame, I was hoping 'lunch' was code for something else. -HH`

`I still get daily emails from Medical reminding me that you're not allowed strenuous activity until you gain another stone. -M`

`Being on my knees is hardly strenuous activity. -HH`

`You skipping lunch is not helping you gain weight. -M  `

`Oh fine, I would love to have lunch with you, darling. Give me a few minutes to figure out how to shake Mr. Pickle 2 off. He's become rather attached. -HH`

`Be careful there, Harry. -M`

 

Harry frowns at his phone's screen. What could Merlin possibly mean by that? Harry's been flirted with before, plenty of times (as has Merlin, except those who dared quickly received threats of dismemberment and/or death from Harry) but it's the first time Harry's been issued a warning.

Maybe it's nothing, just the limitations of texting which leaves too much room for interpretation. Harry shrugs it off for the time being. 

What he can't deny is how quickly he's become addicted to Eggsy's open admiration, his wide-eyed fascination and gleeful delight at everything Harry does. It strokes his ego, battered as it was during his nine month deep cover mission, where his formerly infallible instincts proved otherwise time and time again, where self-doubt crept in at every opportunity. Arthur may have stamped 'Mission Accomplished' on the dossier but it didn't reflect the toll the mission had taken on Harry.

To come home to England and receive validation that Harry is, in fact, still one of Kingsman's best is a soothing balm to his soul. And he's certainly not complaining about the method of delivery in the form of overeager puppy Eggsy.

 

**+**

 

Eventually Harry is cleared for more strenuous activity, but the Psych team holds off on clearing him for field missions until he completes several more rounds of evaluations.

Harry goes to the gym, runs laps around the track, loads up on high-calorie protein and carbs. He spars with whomever's available, most often Eggsy.

Harry beats him handily the first few times, but Eggsy quickly adjusts and soon it takes minutes rather than seconds for Harry to have Eggsy wriggling under his grasp in surrender.

At one point, frustrated at getting his arse handed to him once again, Eggsy flips their positions over so that he's on top. He's got Harry's wrists pinned to the mat and he's panting, open-mouthed. His eyes are dark and lustful and he is very clearly aroused.

Harry's grateful for the self-control which comes with age and which allows him to appear calm despite his beating heart, to force his body not to betray his reciprocating thoughts.

Harry nips this dangerous situation in the bud. He flips them over and stands up quickly, helping Eggsy to his feet.

"Don't feel too bad, Eggsy," Harry says amiably, once again thanking his years of spy training that he's able to speak in such a lighthearted tone, "I do have several decades of experience over you. One thing you'll learn as you get older and your body slows down is that you need to be more efficient with your moves. I dare say Roxy will be a closer match for you at this point. Your fighting styles are vastly different, but yours is just as effective as hers. Both of you have the advantage of youth and agility and there's no need to stifle that by constantly training with an old git like me."

Eggsy doesn't say anything, merely lets his eyes travel slowly along the length of Harry's body. Eventually his breathing evens out and his pupils constrict. He makes a final, deliberate lick of his lips and nods his head.

Thankfully Eggsy takes the hint and Roxy becomes his regular sparring partner from then on.

 _Too close_ , Harry thinks.

 

**+**

 

Eggsy and Harry are paired up for Harry's first mission since [ ~~redacted~~ ], a simple stakeout and retrieval mission in the financial district. Harry is there simply as backup as he has yet to complete his mandatory round of psych evals.

Eggsy can barely contain his excitement. "Fuck yes! Dream come true for me, bruv!"

"Call me 'bruv' one more time and I'll request a different partner," Harry warns.

The day of the mission, Harry exits the dressing room to find Eggsy waiting for him. Harry takes one look at Eggsy, then he looks down at himself, then back at Eggsy. "Well one of us is going to have to change."

In the end it's Eggsy who changes into a different suit - a simpler, single-breasted style. It provides less protection against bullets but it's deemed acceptable for such a simple mission.

They're currently sitting in an upscale café in the City, ostensibly two i-bankers talking shop, but their table by the window provides them a full view of the only entrance to the café.

Harry makes small talk while they wait for their target to appear, "Have you finished your Christmas shopping, Eggsy?"

Eggsy nods excitedly. "Went a bit crazy shopping for Daisy, my li'l sister. This year's the first time I got enough money to buy her sumfin' nice. Got 'er tons o' books and stuffed animals, even one of them toy laptops. Had to stop walking past all the shops 'cos I couldn't resist goin' in and buying some other thing. It's nice to see a big pile of presents under the tree for once."

"You seem like a wonderful brother, Eggsy, I'm sure that was enough for your sister at the worst of times," Harry says.

"Don't know 'bout that, bruv," Eggsy says darkly, "The worst of times were pretty fuckin' bad, not gonna lie. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shield her from all the drugs and violence and shouting and whatnot. No one that young should see that much shite, ever."

"You were quite young yourself, Eggsy, you still are," Harry says gently, "You rose above it all and I'd say you turned out okay."

Eggsy brightens and beams up at Harry. 

Harry smiles back and resolves to be generous with his praise, so unused to receiving it as Eggsy is.

Eggsy resumes their small talk to hide his embarrassment, "What about you, Harry? The fuck d'ya even give a guy like Merlin, anyway?"

"Nothing, literally, for a few Christmases. We never buy each other expensive things, and we usually stick to joke presents, if anything."

"Aww, c'mon bruv, it's Christmas! It's nice to get presents, yeah? For the past coupla years all's I got was a beating from Dean, all hopped up as 'e was on fuckin' eggnog," Eggsy jokes.

"There's nothing remotely funny about that," Harry admonishes, "You deserve some nice presents, Eggsy. I hope you get plenty this Christmas."

Eggsy quirks an eyebrow. "Me too, Harry, me too. Lookin' forward to one in particular," he teases, with another one of his highly suggestive winks.

Harry rolls his eyes. "Anyway, I'm almost finished, just a couple of filler presents here and there. The kids are done, thankfully."

Eggsy raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Didn't know you had kids, Harry."

"Other than shagging in Merlin's office, we try to keep our home life and our work separate, although that's sort of moot since we're all under strict 24-hour surveillance, as I'm sure you're aware," Harry says, "We adopted both of our children when they were very young. We used Kingsman's connections to pave the way for us a bit, it's difficult enough for straight couples to adopt much less two men. But Richmond's twelve and Gazelle is seven years old now."

"I'd love to meet 'em," Eggsy says, "Shame they're a bit too old for Daisy to play with."

Harry gives a fond chuckle, "Richmond and Gazelle are quite a strange pair as you might imagine, with me and Merlin as parents. Too smart for their own good, I'm afraid, and probably a terrible influence on other children."

Harry's expression doesn't change, but he says suddenly, mouth hidden behind his coffee cup, "Target approaching. He'll be in your sight line in three... two... one."

Harry and Eggsy continue to chat while their target places an order at the counter.

"I'm up," Eggsy says under his breath a few moments later. He and Harry stand up and shake hands. Harry exits the coffee shop and walks toward their rendezvous point at St. Paul's.

Minutes later Eggsy's voice comes in over comms, "Object acquired, ETA to rendezvous five minutes."

Harry's impressed. That did not take long at all, Eggsy must be quite the pickpocket. Harry won't even bother asking where he acquired such a skill. Eggsy catches up to him, a wide grin lighting up his handsome face, and together they head down to the Underground where it's easier to disappear among the crowds.

They exit at Embankment and take a long route back to the shop. It's a fine day, if a bit chilly, and neither of them minds the walk.

"So what do you want for Christmas, Eggsy?" Harry asks casually as they turn into Bond Street.

Fortuitously, they're walking past the Cartier store at that exact moment. Eggsy gives Harry a sly grin, "I want one of them non-wedding rings you can't get at Cartier, along with an older, experienced gentleman to show me how to use one proper, eh, Harry?"

"Christ, forget I ever asked," Harry mutters, shaking his head. 

 

**+**

 

`Are you at the shops? -M`

`Yes. -HH`

`Any chance of dropping by a crafts supply store? Gazelle's been given her part in the nativity play. She's the lobster. -M`

`The lobster? In the nativity play? -HH`

`Yes. First lobster, to be specific. -M`

`There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus? -HH`

`Obvious. -M`

`Email me a list, then. -HH`

`Will do. Gazelle would like to remind you not to buy too much orange paint, as she'll be a  _live_  lobster, and lobsters only turn orange when they're cooked. -M`

`Obvious. -HH`

`Our kids are fucking strange. -M`

 

Harry grins. He ducks under a red awning to look up the nearest arts and crafts store on his phone. While Google maps deliberates, he looks up and finds himself staring into Cartier's very festive, glittery window display.

-

_Aww, c'mon bruv, it's Christmas! It's nice to get presents, yeah?_

_You deserve some nice presents, Eggsy. I hope you get plenty this Christmas._

_-_

Harry's eyes zoom in on a very simple, very tasteful thin band bracelet. There are small, round engravings all around it that are reminiscent of the Kingsman logo.

Harry enters the jewelers.

A man with thick eyebrows, a distinctive nose, and ears that stick out the sides of his head gives Harry a friendly nod of acknowledgement. He lets Harry wander around a bit before offering to help.

"Were you looking for anything in particular, sir?"

"Yes, in fact," Harry replies, "That bracelet you have in the window - it's very simple, with circular etchings all around. I'd like to purchase one, please."

"Ah, yes!" The salesman says with muted excitement, "Excellent choice, sir! It's a stunning [bracelet from our very own  _LOVE_  collection](https://40.media.tumblr.com/e759e487a4813f3b5424830bf81f9e8c/tumblr_nxxddwrB7I1r4pwt8o1_400.png). Would you happen to know the young lady's wrist circumference?"

"It's for a young man," Harry corrects before giving the salesman - Rufus, according to his nameplate - Eggsy's measurement. Harry's confident enough in his cover as a tailor that he's got the measurement correct, despite gleaning it simply by eye.

Rufus leads Harry to a glass display case. "We have plenty of options, sir, I'm certain you'll find one that suits. The young ones love to stack several of them along their arms."

"Only one will do, thank you. In white gold, please."

"Excellent," Rufus says with a slight bow, "May I suggest one with diamonds, sir? So lovely for the holiday season, for that special someone."

"No diamonds," Harry says curtly, "the plainer the better."

"Quite," Rufus says with another bow. He retrieves a bracelet from stock and holds it up with gloved fingers for Harry's inspection. 

"Would you like it gift-wrapped?" Rufus asks upon Harry's nod of approval.

Harry is atrocious at wrapping presents. "Yes, please."

"It will be but the work of a moment," Rufus assures him.

Harry keeps a shrewd eye on the proceedings. "Surely you can fit it in a smaller box?"

"Oh but one must make room for the key, sir," Rufus explains, holding up the small screwdriver-type device, fitted on a simple chain.

"Why on earth has it got a key?" 

"A symbol of  _LOVE_ , sir," Rufus replies, "You secure the bracelet on your lover's arm when you present it."

"That's a bit sexual, isn't it?" Harry says, cocking his head but giving no indication he's changed his mind about the purchase, "Rather kinky, in fact."

"I would say 'romantic', sir," Rufus says sweetly, "The person you  _LOVE_  holds the  _key_  to your  _heart_." 

Harry grimaces and makes a face then glances at his watch, "Just get on with it, please." He can decide what to do with the stupid key later.

Rufus looks pleased.

"What is that?!" Harry says loudly moments later.

"It's a gift box, sir, you said you wanted it gift-wrapped," Rufus says as if stating the obvious.

"The bracelet's already in a bloody box, Rufus, just tie a bow around it!" Harry says impatiently, tossing his credit card onto the counter, "And please be quick about it, I've a few more stops to make this afternoon."

"But sir -"

" _Now_ , please, Rufus."

Rufus heaves a dejected sigh but wraps a gold bow artfully around the red Cartier box.

Harry grunts his thanks and stuffs the present into his coat pocket.

 

**+**

 

Merlin glimpses the golden bow peeping out of Harry's coat where he's left it hanging on a hook in their foyer.

Curious, he lifts the box out of the coat pocket - just a quick peek, he won't open it or anything, there's no way he'd be able to re-do the fancy bow.

Merlin's eyes widen in surprise and he hastily stuffs the box back into place.

 _Cartier_. Jewelry.

A ring?

His heart beats wildly. He sits down on a bench to settle his nerves.

Sure, he and Harry had discussed marriage when the reforms were passed, but they nixed the idea pretty quickly. Merlin hadn't given it a second thought and up until now he'd assumed Harry had done the same. Apparently not?

This is so unlike Harry. Surely he would want to discuss something so important with Merlin.

But is it so important? What's a piece of paper compared to the life and years they've already shared? Plus he highly doubts Harry's enthused about something so banal as a wedding.

Merlin furrows his brows in thought. Maybe it was that damned deep cover mission. It's certainly a plausible explanation for Harry's sudden change of heart regarding the issue of marriage. Who knows what kinds of conclusions Harry had drawn, alone in the night for nine months with no contact with his family.

Marriage.

Perhaps the most surprising thing is that Merlin finds the idea rather appealing.

He smiles and glances at his phone. Only five more days until Christmas.

 

**+**

 

"Thanks Papa, thanks Dad!" Richmond exclaims, waving the miniature BB-8 robot around, his lisp still very pronounced despite months of sessions with a speech-language pathologist. 

"I'm sorry it's not life size, Rich," Merlin says.

Richmond shakes his head vehemently in disagreement, "No, this is perfect, Dad! I was thinking about it the other day, small is better, miniaturization is the future! You can do lots with small things - think about the atomic bomb! Tiny matter, huge amount of energy!"

"Can we hold off on discussing mass destruction until later?" Harry says fondly, "It's Gazelle's turn to open a present - just one - and then we really must get to the school. We can open the rest of the presents after."

Gazelle eagerly rips into her own present and holds it up in awe, "A lightsaber?!" she exclaims and flicks the switch on. The saber glows and hums that distinct, lightsaber sound.

"Yes, darling," Harry says, "Incidentally it's also literally a saber, for fencing."

"Cool!"

"We've enrolled you in fencing lessons, my dear. Master the saber first, then we'll look into how you can use your legs in a similar fashion, hmm?" Harry says and plants a kiss on the top of her head.

"This is awesome! Thanks Dad, thanks Papa!"

"What about you two?" Richmond asks happily.

Merlin tries to hide his excitement, "I think we have time, don't we, Harry?" he says with a twinkle in his eye, "We can always make speeding tickets disappear."

Harry gives him an indulgent smile and accepts the small box from Merlin. He opens it to find a USB stick.

"The children and I made a few home videos while you were away," Merlin explains, "So that you wouldn't miss anything."

Harry clutches the USB to his chest. "Thank you Merlin, thanks you two, I will treasure this," he says solemnly, giving each of them a kiss in turn.

He hands Merlin a wrapped box. Merlin tears into it as eagerly as Gazelle had done minutes before.

Merlin's heart sinks. It's not the Cartier box.

He schools his features to hide his disappointment, "What could this be?" he wonders out loud. He opens the box and pulls out a certificate. "Huh, look at that - cooking lessons!"

"Yes, darling, but look at the name on them - it's mine," Harry says delightedly, "I'll be the one taking cooking lessons!"

"Oh! That is - that is simply brilliant, Harry," Merlin says, trying not to choke, "It's about time we had some home-cooked meals around here."

"Yeah, Papa! You can learn how to make Big Macs!" Richmond says.

Harry laughs, "I think Big Macs are the opposite goal of cooking lessons, Rich, my dear."

Merlin clears his throat, "Would you all excuse me for a minute? Just need to use the loo before we leave. Make sure the kids are bundled up, would you, Harry?"

Merlin hurries up the stairs. His knees give out and he collapses onto the bed.

Just a week ago he never would have expected a marriage proposal, but now that he didn't actually get one, it hurts. It hurts a lot.

Merlin doesn't even think about the implication of someone else receiving the little red Cartier box. Mustn't jump to conclusions.

He takes several deep breaths and splashes cold water on his face before heading back downstairs.

 

**+**

 

"Isn't that the new guy at work?" Richmond asks, "The one with the funny name." He waves him over to where they're all standing in the auditorium, mingling with the other parents and children congratulating each other for a job well done on the nativity play.

"Eggsy! It's so good to see you! And this must be Daisy," Harry says, bending down to greet the little girl.

Merlin feels like he's drowning.

He hears his family chatting, hears Eggsy's voice - "Yeah, Daisy will be attending this school come next term, we got the invitation in the mail to come see the play. We loved it! Didn't we, Dais? Maybe you can be first lobster next Christmas, yeah?"

He hears Richmond and Gazelle welcoming Daisy, giving her the scoop on the teachers and clubs and activities, hears Harry laughing at something they said.

Merlin feels dizzy. He stands silent and still.

Everyone sounds far-off and distant, as if Merlin's on the outside, a voyeur, looking in on the happy scene which he's not a part of.

Everything looks hazy and fuzzy around the edges. 

The only thing Merlin sees clearly is the thin, silvery band adorning Eggsy's wrist - elegant, understated, and glinting mockingly at Merlin - a LOVE bracelet, by Cartier.

 

**+**

 

"Tell me, Harry, if you were in my position, what would you do?" Merlin asks gruffly under the cover of darkness, in the bed he's shared with Harry for almost twenty years.

"What position is that?" Harry mumbles. Merlin can tell he's just pulled Harry off from the edge of sleep.

"Imagine that your husba- no, partner, bought a Cartier bracelet and come Christmas gave it to somebody else."

Merlin feels the bed shift, can see out of the corner of his eye Harry sitting up and propping himself on his elbow.

"What? Merlin, you've misunderstood -" Harry says, wide awake now.  
  
Merlin cuts him off, his voice breaking, "Would you... would you wait around to find out if it's just a bracelet, or if it's sex and a bracelet, or if, worst of all... it's a bracelet and love?"

"Merlin -"

"Would you stay, Harry, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?" 

"Merlin, look at me, please, let me explain -"

"I need time," Merlin says and lies on his side, pointedly turning his back on Harry. "You still have your house in Stanhope Mews. I'd like you to stay there starting tomorrow, before the kids become accustomed to having you around again."

"Merlin!"

"End of! Good night, Harry. Happy fucking Christmas."

 

**+**

 

Much to Merlin's chagrin, Psych has still not cleared Harry for field missions. They run into each other at HQ, where Merlin resolutely ignores every single one of Harry's pleas. Harry calls and texts every day, and Merlin resolutely ignores those too.

One week after Christmas, an alert pings on Merlin's monitor.

_* AGENT MISSING *_

"Why is this alert from the Psych department?" Merlin mutters to himself. He rings up the ward.

"Hi Karen, I've just received the alert. What seems to be the problem?"

"Hello, Merlin. I'm hoping it isn't serious, but you know agents never, ever skip their scheduled psych evals. Harry had one scheduled for today but he hasn't shown up. We've called, texted, asked around to see if anyone's seen him lately - nothing."

"I'm assuming he's not where his tracker is, otherwise you would have dispatched a team to collect him by now," Merlin says, straining to keep his voice even.

"Correct."

"I'll handle this. Thank you, Karen. Let me know if he shows up."

Merlin buries his face in his hands.

_"Fuck!"_

"Problem, Merlin?"

Merlin looks up to see Eggsy's concerned face.

"Harry's missing and he's not where his tracker is," Merlin says coldly. Try as he might he can't feel hatred towards Eggsy, but he'd rather not face him right now.

"Shit! Is there anything I can do?"

Merlin slumps in his seat. "No lad, stay here and wait for instructions. I think I know where to find him. But first I need to speak with Arthur."

 

**+**

 

Merlin guides the car slowly along the gravel path leading down to the private marina. He gets out of the car and disables all of his incoming and outgoing comms as well as his glasses video recording.

He walks along the dock, deep in thought. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees a lantern illuminating the Kingsman yacht.

He finds Harry curled up in the stern around a half-empty bottle of Macallan 18. Merlin notices in the dim lighting that Harry seems to have lost most of the weight he gained back.

"Christ, Harry," Merlin says as he lowers himself down to sit on the floor.

"Merlin, I've been a fool," Harry whispers.

"Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish, too," Merlin responds quietly.

"No! No!" Harry shouts as he drunkenly attempts to sit up, "Merlin, it was never about love, you have to believe me! It was just a nice thing, a nice pretty thing to give to Eggsy, he told me about the terrible Christmases he's had. I just wanted to... please, Merlin, you have to believe - the thing, the bracelet, it wasn't a symbol of love, not for me," Harry says, desperately fishing his phone out of his pocket, "Here - you can call Cartier, ask for Rufus, he can tell you - Rufus can confirm, I didn't give a shit about the symbolism, I was just looking for something nice, I swear! I didn't even know anything about that stupid LOVE collection, Merlin please, you have to believe me!"

Merlin sits silently, pondering. 

"I love you, Merlin, you're the only man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I thought about you all the time when I was away -"

"But that was before you met Eggsy," Merlin says bitterly.

"I don't love Eggsy! I love you! I never touched him, Merlin, I swear, and I had no plans to, ever -" 

"And you were never tempted?" Merlin asks skeptically.

"Of course I was bloody tempted! The boy's a fucking menace!" Harry shouts, and some small part of Merlin appreciates the honesty. "But I had no intent, Merlin, I had no intention of ever sleeping with him. The bracelet was not an invitation, it was a stupid gift and it was stupid, so stupid of me, I should've got him something else, a fucking Arsenal t-shirt -"

"He's more of a rugby lad," Merlin cuts in needlessly, and they both know it's a sign that Merlin's softening up to Harry.

"I'm so sorry, Merlin, I thought he deserved something nice, that's all, I was stupid, so stupid!" Harry's in near hysterics.

"Shh, Harry, shh, it's alright."

"You believe me, Merlin?"

Merlin sighs. "Yes, Harry, but I need more time."

Harry takes several deep breaths. "Okay, okay, I can - I can work with that."

"We're not out of the clear, Harry, but I'm not saying no completely."

Harry shuffles his way to Merlin, crawling on all fours in a manner which Merlin would find hilarious under different circumstances. He collapses in a heap beside Merlin, curling in towards him but not touching. "Thank you, Merlin, thank you. I love you so much."

They sit in silence, the gentle rocking of the yacht lulling them into a sense of peace.

"There's no one here but us, Harry," Merlin says slowly, "No one can hear us, nothing's being recorded. I spoke to Arthur before I came here, he granted me permission to know but he said you would be the one to tell me. What happened on your deep cover mission?"

Harry doesn't say anything for several minutes.

Merlin's anger starts to rise. The one thing he's asking of him, the one thing that might help him understand Harry's state of mind, and Harry refuses to fucking say anything -

Harry grunts and Merlin hears him shuffling into position. He looks up to see Harry offering him the whiskey, the bottle teetering precariously in Harry's palm. "You'll need it, Merlin."

Merlin accepts the bottle wordlessly and takes a healthy swig.

"Now what exactly did Arthur tell you..."

 

[ ~~redacted~~ ]

 

It's late and it's cold by the time they're all talked out.

"Let's get you home, Harry."

Harry sniffles. He looks at Merlin piteously, "Can I fire the death ray?"

_"NO, Harry."_

 

**+**

 

Things get marginally better day by day. For once in his life Harry remains patient, never pushing or making demands of Merlin. Harry is still banished, but they eat lunch together frequently and he goes home to spend as much time with the children as he can.

There's hope, and Harry clings to it.

"Perhaps we should talk to Eggsy," Merlin says hesitantly, one day during lunch.

When Harry doesn't reply, Merlin continues, "All three of us will be working together for a very, very long time, god willing. I'm aware that he knows nothing about our current situation, but I feel we must clear the air somehow."

Harry sighs. "He is very young. And we did tell him we weren't married. Maybe in his view marriage is a line that mustn't be crossed, but everything else is fair game?"

"Could be. It's possible he has an entirely different sense of what's appropriate. All the more reason to speak with him, I think. It would be such a drag if we had to tiptoe around him, you know how we are around here, we try not to take things too seriously."

Harry nods. "Let's do it, then," he says determinedly.

They call Eggsy into Merlin's office after lunch.

Eggsy strolls in without a care in the world and Merlin wants to punch the smug look right out of his face. He's wearing the bracelet, and even Merlin can admit that it suits him and it pairs nicely with the Kingsman wardrobe.

Merlin and Harry are standing side by side in front of Merlin's desk.

Eggsy bounces into the couch and sprawls on it. "Been waitin' for this," he says.

"Oh have ye now, lad? Then you do admit to wrongdoing," Merlin says.

Eggsy shrugs, "Ain't nuffin' wrong, guv."

He straightens up off the couch and approaches the pair with a wide, wicked grin plastered on his face.

Harry looks alarmed. Realization dawns on Merlin. 

Eggsy shoulders his way in between the two of them.

"Hang on," Merlin says nervously, "I think you may have gotten the wrong idea -"

He yelps in surprise as Eggsy grabs a palmful each of their asses, "Unf! Fuck yeah!" He gives them both a hearty squeeze, "Merry Christmas to me!"

 

 

 

 

_**Fin** _

 

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left this story open-ended. In the movie it's pretty clear that Karen and Harry won't be getting back together, but even though I'm total HartWin trash I like to think that Merlin and Harry eventually work things out - I didn't expect to become so attached to Merlahad here! Sorry if you guys were expecting total HartWin...
> 
> Yeah, those Cartier bracelets are super expensive but I dunno... rich people??? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Next up, a couple of short drabbles (the porno stand-ins and the musician/producer storylines) while I finish my mechanic!Eggsy fic ♥ but after that we've got all the big storylines coming up - like chav!Eggsy in Downing Street, whoop whoop!
> 
> Thanks for your kudos and lovely comments so far!

**Author's Note:**

> I pretty much have all the stories mapped out, but feel free to shout ideas at me for this AU to [my tumblr](http://thorins-arkenstone.tumblr.com/).


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